Was I Under AdSense Arrest?

I went to post the eBay? No Way blog a couple of days ago and ran into a problem. With text completed in compose mode, ready to publish, I clicked preview.  The window popped up, but just white space filled the preview box. No print, no picture, no URL links – all of which I’d spent the early morning formatting on the compose screen. I tried preview again and again. After the third try I was certain I knew why the blog wasn’t appearing.

The AdSense police had  Mommy of the Bride under surveillance.

Which could  lead to Internet incarceration -  solitary confinement of mommyofthebride.blogspot.com to the place where all bad bad bloggers go – the no publishing zone.

I immediately began a defense in my head.

“I swear I didn’t click one ad. Honest Officer AdSense.

“Save your excuses for Judge Google,”  he’d reply. But that alone would not spare him my plea.

 “Sure I thought about it, But the nuns always said the thought wasn’t a sin. Just doing it was.”

“Doing what?” he’d ask. I’d caught his attention.

“Clicking.” Not the answer he’d hoped for.

“Tell it to the Judge.”

I pictured the judge would look like Columbo, in a crumpled gown.

So I’d go on to tell the judge how I only speculated about clicking my own blog ads. I’d own up to a sudden jump in ad activity after the AdSense Nonsense blog. A show of family support I suspect. And yes, I’d apologize, if he thought the title of my post – a bit rude. I meant no disrespect. The Nonsense could just as well refer to my rambling – as to Adsense absurdities.

 If Judge Google bought that, I’d go on to mention how any sweet and understanding top-of-the-heap Google law enforcer like himself (who I pictured dressed Columbo – like in a crumpled black  robe, squinting his eyes as I spoke),  how that wise-as-Solomon kind of  judge could certainly understand why I had used the official Google AdSense logo as the banner for that entry. It looked so pretty and went along with the blogspot  suggestion to  add an eye-catching visual to every entry . Then, in one long breath I’d begin to say , “What’s  a blogging MOTB to do? Especially one who’s  trying to break the mold of  MOTB  blogs that just copy and paste stuff out of theknot.com, or ehow.com.?”  I’d get a quick sniffle in before I’d continue, through the same breath, to explain, “I'm only trying to tell the story of my only daughter’s wedding." Or maybe  my daughter’s only wedding would sound more convincing. Or only daughter’s only wedding.

And then, after patiently listeningl to whatever I had decided to say,  Judge Google would rub his forehead in true Columbo fashion – and say. . . 

What would he say?  I continued to wonder as I scanned my Google Account details for some sort of warrant of Internet Arrest until I finally found an alert from Blogger headquarters. Something that would probably kick me off the Internet for life.

I half-closed my eyes, clicked the alert, and forced myself to read:

English to Hindi transliteration is not working since 07-July-2011. The font symbol "अ " which earlier used to appear is missing now. It’s a global  problem ALL users are facing same. We are working on solving the problem. Thank you for your patience.

Until the Hindi symbol  अ  could appear again, I would not be able to post a new entry.

The Hindi font symbol soon became visible , along with those  that allow me to write:

वर-वधू के माँ के एकांत में नही  

In other words, the Mommy of the Bride is not in solitary confinement.


 .

AdSense Nonsense

Blogging  about the year that leads up to Em and Ry's wedding has been a joy - with one exception. I have had to refrain from clicking the ads that appear on the sidebar of the blog. That’s because each click would send a few cents (and I do mean a few) my way. Blog advertising is meant to attract the readers (not the bloggers)  to products and services. The small print in the Google AdSense agreement says that if I click click here and  click click there -- on my blog --  I could get in quick quick blogosphere trouble.

No big deal I thought four months ago when the ads started to appear. I’m basically a rule follower. For every deduction on my income tax I’ve got a receipt filed  - somewhere.  I will drive up to a red light at midnight, not a soul or sedan in sight, and  still stop. (Notice I didn’t say anything about speed limits.) And I never tear the Do not remove under penalty of law tag off a pillow I've bought. My bemused visitors eventually take the  tag matter into their own hands.

At first, Thou shalt not click the wedding blog ads wasn’t a difficult commandment to keep. After I’d write an entry about the pretty country setting Em and Ry have chosen for their big day, the side bar would fill with advertisements. One for The Lord Thompson Manor in central Connecticut promised “ Romantic Wedding Receptions.” The rustic Connecticut National Country Club  in Putnam, CT professed  to be “the ultimate setting for a perfect reception”. More information on these and  the rest of the promos in the ad column was just a click away. But I wasn’t even tempted by these ads because Em and Ry had already found the penultimate setting for their wedding at The Barns at Wesleyan Hills in Middletown. Same was true for photographer and videographer ads, florists, and deejays. Em and Ry's bridal production kept one step ahead of those advertising parades. Choices already made. Contracts already signed.

But then came the supreme test of my moral ad-clicking fiber. The day I posted the Saying Yes to the Dresses entry the sidebar filled with Mother of the Bride dress sites.  I hadn’t shopped for my frock yet. I immediately felt like a sugar-craving diabetic locked in a candy shop.   What was a rule-following MOTB to do?

For the time being, I found a pillow I had just bought and ripped off the do-not-detach-by-penalty-of-law tag. Just to see how it felt.