Saying Yes to the Dress(es)

As of today two bridesmaids have ordered their dresses, the mothers of the bride and groom have chosen the COLORS of their dresses (guess what each of us is trying to do before we actually shop?). And with six months to go, the bride will have her last fitting this week.

Yep, much of the fuss of this blessed event is about THE DRESS and a bit of the rest of the to-do focuses on the other dresses.  Sorry guys. All eyes will be on the ladies. Tuxes enhance masculine lines just fine. But a dress is all about curves, tucks and puffs that turn a bride into a princess and her best buds into her stately court.  And though I’m sworn to secrecy about the details, trust me - THE DRESS is perfect for THE BRIDE, as it should be, as was mine in the eighties and my mother’s in the forties.

My mother looked so extraordinary in her gown a New York artist, who was a family friend, painted her portrait from her wedding photo. In the actual painting white pigment (stroked and dotted over pink and gray oils) replicates the dainty patterns of lace on the soft, deeply scooped neckline of her gown. Just above the lace, see-through toile rises to her neck. Like so  ------------------->   
In photographs from her wedding day she appears sensuous from afar, more demure up close.  

In the initial emotional rush of Emily’s engagement, almost two years ago, we dug deep into my closet and pulled out the long puffy garment bag that stored my wedding gown. Inside, the dress had remained brilliantly white and kept its sparkle around its Queen Anne neckline and jeweled lace cuffs. We did find a  single age spot on the train, a flaw that a dressmaker could easily remedy.

When Em put on my wedding dress, it fit her just as perfectly as it once had fit me. With her long hair pulled back and Ryan by her side, she could look exactly as off-the-chart happy as I looked beside my handsome groom - on her wedding day.

But wait, that was MY wedding day. And though we giggled and sighed and hugged and cried at the sight of Em in my gown, I think we both knew we’d eventually pass by a bridal shop and say,” Let’s go in.”  She'd try on one or two or three or more and, on another day, in another shop, she'd try on another and know, “This is the one.” The one which, with the right snip here and tuck there, would complement her curves perfectly - and even more noticeably, light up her face. The ONE that you won’t see until her walk down a grassy aisle, in a bit more than six months.

What will become of the mother-of-the-bride?

 I will go to bed  October 7, 2011 the Mother-of-the-Bride- to-be, and I will wake up the next  morning  about to become a cultural anomaly. Between  the time I  slip out from layers of crisp sheets on Emily and Ryan’s wedding day,   to the time I slip  back under them ( I expect no less than twenty hours later) I will add yet  another chapeau to my hat rack of kinships.  I will don the millinery of a MOTHER-IN-LAW.  A Pill Box, I suppose, by  society’s expectation.

If  you’re my age, the word incites an ear-jerk reaction, right to the sound of  “mother-in-law” being crooned  in  a deep  baritone  and then echoed  in a slightly higher range,. That's the way Ernie K-Doe performed it with  back-up singer  Benny Spellman in 1961.  In May of that year “Mother-in-law” spent one week topping the Billboard magazine Hot 100 List – slipping  in between  a week  or so of Ricky Nelson’s “Travelin’ Man ”  and Del Shannon’s  month-long  reign with  "Runaway".  Yet,  just a  few  days  on the charts was all  the“Mother-in-law-ing” it took for my generation to transmute the  image of  mommies- of- the-wedded  from mother hens  to clay pigeons.

How could they not become the immediate target of cultural derision after these cynical superlatives  - sung with gospel fervor  -  aired throughout America?

The worst person I know  (Mother-In-Law Mother-In-Law)
She worries me so  (Mother-In-Law Mother-In-Law)
If she leaves us alone we would have a happy home
Sent from down below (Mother-In-Law Mother-In-Law)

Out and out name calling ("Satan should be her name") starts the second stanza, which may have been the groove that raised Dick Clark's eyebrow . The squeaky clean Sixties King of Pop refused to play the tune on American Bandstand when the song came out in ’61.

But I can't put all the blame on Ernie. He only sang the words. New Orleans music legend Allen Toussaint penned the hateful  lyrics. Musician, composer, and producer, this icon has collaborated with everyone from Bonnie Raitt to The Rolling Stones, Lee Dorsey, The Pointer Sisters and Glen Campbell. But, apparently Toussiant has never been in cahoots with the mother of a wife – or a wife - for that matter. (for there are no references in career biographies to him ever being married).

Not so with Ernie – who was the marrying kind twice, according to record. Not much is said about his first marriage. But, after a decade or two of down and out years, he met Antoinette Fox, a K-Doe fan who managed a bar in New Orleans,where he spent time. She got K-Doe back onstage and, in 1996, down the aisle. By then the couple had reopened a rundown club as the Ernie K-Doe Mother-in-Law Lounge, and it quickly caught on with K-Doe’s fans, especially when he began performing.  As an added flourish, K-Doe’s new mother-in -law would appear onstage while he sang his signature song.

Pretty nice of the song’s incendiary namesake, wouldn’t you say?

 

Layered clothes, cakes, and lives

 Brrrrrrrrr. I’ve had to put on so many layers I feel like a tiered wedding cake. That makes me want to drop everything this frigid February afternoon (shovel, ice chopper, dry gas additive) and think about Em’s wedding. Lovely thoughts, like the ones that gave the Darling children the lift to fly to Neverland with Peter Pan. I don't want to get caught up in the stormy weather we've had lately - or the view that, according to plan, the Save the Date announcements should have gone out two weeks ago.

 The reminders are stuck somewhere between their online manufacturer and the U.S. Mail. Mid-February will have to do for their release. Around Valentine’s Day, I hope, so we can put pretty little LOVE postage stamps in the upper right hand corners of the envelopes. Even a  mid-March mailing would officially announce the date soon enough for the October wedding. And we could still go with the heart-embellished postage, for I'd like to think love is always in season,. Or, we could switch to one of the 159,142 wedding stamps for sale on http://www.weddingstamps.us/.  These include hundreds of fall wedding stamps, monogram stamps, save-the-date stamps, R.S.V.P stamps and even a create-your-own stamp. So what if our order of save-the-date cards hasn’t arrived yet? It’ll take at least a few days to decide on the postage that will embellish the mailing – now that we’ve found the stamp site on the Internet. 

 Aren't embellishments what planning a wedding is all about? The embellishments will make the day the couple’s own. Everything from the linens and flowers, to the ceremony and vows, to the food and  favors, and yes, even the invitations and stamps. These touches will allow Em and Ryan to say, “This is ours and just ours.” The twists of lights on the barn posts, the autumn bouquets and hodge-podge of fall flowers arranged in each table’s Mason Jar  –  Mason jars manufactured by Ball actually, with the brand's raised imprint  on each  container's thick glass. Ball just happens to match the mother-of-the-groom’s maiden name. Now there’s a nice touch. A happenstance touch. The best kind.

 Caught  up as I am in layers of cotton, wool,, and nylon to keep warm today , I am reminded of the stratums that make up a wedding as well as the cake, not to mention the multi-tiers of the two wonderful  lives the occasion will join as man and wife - and propel to fly off to  Everland together.  

Taste vs Judgment

Food glorious food surrounded Em and Ryan, his parents, and MOTB-blogger (me) at last Sunday’s wedding-tasting feast. We were invited to the event last year too, since we had booked the venue two years before the wedding date. How carefree we were in 2010 as we faced, just ahead of us, three cuts of beef,  and then a quarter turn to our left – four fish dishes, and with another turn – chicken this , chicken that,  and  chicken this and that. More choices than a Food Network home page lay before us and, like kids in a candy shop, we ricocheted from one counter to the next, pleasure our only principle.

The goods were just as abundant this year in an elegant room that felt as if it was being hosted by the Ghost of Plenty Past. This time, however, we weren’t so carefree.  Along with a plate I had my notebook in hand. I’d take a bite and jot. Bite and jot.

 Breast of Chicken Jacqueline- tastes like piccata. Very Olive-Garden-ish

Breast of Chicken Tuscany – good but sausage mix ??? Rules out the non-red-meat-eater.

Apple-stuffed Breast of Chicken – hmmmmm just right – especially for a fall-flavored feast.

For the non-meat eaters I considered:

Salmons with a fruity salsa – nice and light

 Filet of Sole with Scallop and Crabmeat Stuffing, topped with Lobster Sauce – a little heavy for my taste

Then I dipped, sipped, bit, and jotted

Butternut squash soup OR butternut squash ravioli –  not both. Too much of a good thing.

This went on through salads (7!), pastas (4), so many butlered- hors d'oeuvres, I lost track, and four flavors of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream.

Bite and jot. Bite and jot. Bite and jot. Bite and jot.

Hard work, I know, but someone’s got to do it!

With the holidays over . . . here comes the bride!

I just shoveled four inches of snow off the driveway. New England snow as it should be. Fluffy. Light.  Bright enough to wrap midnight, last night,  in the monochromatic grays of a late afternoon.

Looking out the window this morning, it’s difficult to believe that nine months from this very snowy day, ivory, the color of Emily’s wedding gown, will be the whiteness that accents the day and night.  We’re all hoping a classic New England fall landscape of flaming maples and golden oaks will surround her. An ever so light breeze in the late afternoon sun would be nice too.

But what if it rains? Or an unexpected autumn wind drives us indoors for the ceremony? Ryan, Em’s fiancé, has a brother who got married in a tent one June, a few years back. The plan was cocktails on an open patio and dinner under a tent with no walls, to encourage a wisp of air here and there. Instead, the skies just opened to buckets and buckets of rain. Not one cocktail was sipped in the open air. The tent’s unfurled plastic walls were all that kept the guests dry from the outright deluge taking place outside the ceremonial bubble. Yet, as I recall from looking  at photos of their festivities, there was not one frown or grimace on face of bride, groom, party or guests.  They all seemed to go with the flow, the flow being, in this case, lots and lots of rain water.

The photographs captured them hopping, skipping, and jumping through puddles in their bare feet. The girls held buoyant skirts  above their knees, and looked as if they were laughing the way children laugh through spontaneous summer showers.

The same  grayness that appeared out my kitchen window in last night’s snowstorm surrounded that wedding entourage.  But spots of perky umbrellas stand out here and there against the grayness in the wedding photos. The contrast reminds me of the way brightly painted dinghies on a lakeside in Ireland seem to  almost thumb their bows at the continual rolling in and out of dank Irish mist.   

Good weather for the wedding would be nice, but it’s not essential. That’s what the pictures of Ryan’s brother’s wedding tell me. They also whisper that the good time that took place in a gray, rainy landscape stands out as  more unique  and special than the so-called ideal panoramas of outdoor celebrations featured page after page in bridal magazines. So now, nine months before the BIG day, I’m going to stop worrying about the aspects of the day Emily and I will not be able to control and get down to the labor of love that will make it lovely in any weather. 

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

The wedding party ladies are beginning to bond. The outfits are pretty wild.  What if???? Nah..
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/j1RxBBwD5gK5gcRp9fbp

The Girls are Getting it in Gear

Received this e-mail from Emily today.
Hi Everyone!

So first and most importantly, THANK YOU all so much for being such a special part of next year's wedding day...it means so much to me! (and to Ryan!)  We can't wait to jump into the next steps of planning with each of you by our side!  And above anything else, planning for and then celebrating the day with all of you already guarantees a perfect day :o)

So before I get into the planning-related information/questions in the email, I think it's time to make sure everyone knows everyone!

Mom/Laura - Mommy of the Bride!  Hereby can be referred to as "MOTB"  :o) 
Nancy - Mother of the Groom!  Hereby can be referred to as "MOTG"  :o)

Meghan - Matron of Honor!  Best friend since basically day #1 of junior high, honorary family member, jokes have been made that we shared a brain in 7th and 8th grade, lives in DC with her husband (that's the first time I've typed that out!!) Chris, and has recent experience and insight into the fun o' wedding planning!

Jessica - Maid of Honor! Cousin on the Hayden side of the family, myriads of sleepovers and dress up games in our past (including our childhood reenactment of the Christmas Nativity at Meme's house one Christmas party and a handful of performances of Billy Joel's "River of Dreams" in her old backyard!), and currently lives in New York City (which according to the famous "Class of 1999 Wear Sunscreen" speech everyone should do once in their life!)

Mary - Bridesmaid! Best friend since end of junior high!  Fills my life with smiles, fantastic story telling, hearty laughter AND amazing music as lead singer of her band "Waking Elliot".  (Interested in buying a CD?  No problem - the release is this month!). Lives in Manchester, CT and is often found performing around the state!

Rachel - Bridesmaid!  Cousin on the Hayden side of the family and already voted "laugh most likely to be heard by all guests of the Inn at Middletown while we are getting ready".  Seriously, she is the happiest person I know and her laugh shows it!  Before the wedding is over, you'll be able to recognize it on the other side of the barn!  In other news, she lives in Vermont (the favorite vacation place of Ryan and I) and makes her own homemade chapstick!

Claire - Bridesmaid!  Cousin on the Baione side of the family and resident dancing expert! (Need help finding both feet before we dance the night away next October?  She's your girl! Along with Mom and her ballroom dancing moves!)  Claire lives in Martha's Vinyard where she is working toward her certification to be a Pilate's instructor (so cool!). Claire gets the credit of being in one of my very favorite pictures in my baby/childhood picture album. She and I are sitting at our very own special table (probably made by Playskool) enjoying one of our early Baione family Thanksgiving feasts!  I think it only fair that credit her with helping to instill Thanksgiving as my very favorite holiday of the year  :o)


Love you all! 

Now a couple of quick updates!

1.) Save the Date!  Saturday, October 8, 2011!

2.) Barns at Wesleyan Hills in Middletown, CT is our venue for ceremony and reception if you'd like to check out the website!  http://www.pavilioncatering.com/about_welcome.htm

3. Room blocks are set up at the Inn at Middletown (http://www.innatmiddletown.com/ )  and the Crowne Plaze in Cromwell (http://www.crowneplaza.com/h/d/cp/1/en/hotel/CMLCT?&sitrackingid=152975783&sicreative=2850868610&dp=true&sicontent=0&siclientid=1863&cm_guid=1-_-100000000000180270635-_-2850868610&cm_mmc=Google-PS-CrownePlaza-_-G+B-AmericasEast-_-CT-Cromwell-_-%2Bcrowne+%2Bplaza+%2Bcromwell+%2Bct&gclid=CNaI4Y-9paUCFeFM5QodmXZg6g&externalHotelDetailHit=true)    The Crown Plaza also allows pets under 50 pounds if you know anyone that could benefit from that extra service!  Reservations can be made anytime.  Mention that you are part of the Hayden-Mullen Wedding to get the wedding rates! 

**The rehearsal dinner will be at the Inn at Middletown Friday evening, October 7th.  Rooms are additionally blocked that night too**


4.) I am in the search for chocolate brown bridesmaid dresses - looked at couple at David's Bridal with Jess and have two that I LOVE at Alfred Angelo.  I can send links  in a future email....For now, if you have any suggestions feel free to let me know! 

5.) Hair and Make-Up!  I have booked a make-up artist (Naomi) and a hair stylist (Angela) from Naomi's Salon in West Hartford.  http://www.salonnaomi.com/   They are both part of the traveling team so we can plan to do all our getting ready in the bridal suite at the Inn at Middletown. I put deposits down for the minimum number of people necessary to book the traveling team (3 for each service)...but want to check just how many are interested in services!

Make-up would be $65-$70
Hair would be $80
Deposit for either service would be $25

Just let me know if you'd be interested!  Once there is a final count, they will write up the contract.


Phew - I think that covers everything for now!  Eventually Ryan and I will finalize the wedding website and send that out to everyone too!

More than anything - thank you again!! 

Love,
Em